Tuesday, September 4, 2012
TRUST in HIM
There is a battle going on.... The battle between good/bad, what is right/wrong. When change is on your side, this battle becomes even stronger to those around you. Those who love you, will accept who you are. Those who do not accept, will have a harder time loving you. There is a battle going on. An opposition of forces, trying to prove their way of what is right/what is wrong. But who is to say what is right/what is wrong? We are all trying to figure it out in our daily lives. We have to Remember: We are not alone in our journey. We are not to be left to figure it all out without help. Who is here to help is GOD, if we put our faith and trust in Him. If we all just believe there is the strength and faith in a HIGHER POWER, someone higher than ourselves! We are powerless. We cannot do it all on our own. We must put faith in GOD. We must learn the truth. We must believe. We must know there is/was something here before us. We must believe in miracles. We must put faith and trust in His hands. He is the one to Guide us. So let GO...... Of trying to figure it all out on your own. Believe in Him. Believe in Yourself. Try Not, Just Believe..... There is something above you, all in all, that has control.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Earthlings
I am not the same as I used to be. I am better. I am worse. How can we measure our worth. Everything's changing. As Bob Dylan said, "There is nothing as constant as change." Everything's changing. How can we wish something back the way it was when it has already disappeared? Looking ahead to new beginnings, but looking back at the past. I feel stuck in one spot, not knowing which way to go. Can I keep up with this fast pace? Or should I just notice it pass me by and breathe. It feels like I lost my heart a long time ago. I know it's buried down there somewhere.
The cycle continued. Built upon something that was never there. Covered up dirt with dirt. So much pain and torture undealt with. Why do we do this to ourselves? We feed on the dug up hole to dig deeper, meanwhile getting stuck inside of it. Seems like a lot of healing to take place. Or, maybe none at all. Perhaps it is all just a story. Perhaps we are immortal, just waiting for our next boundless ocean to play in. Perhaps we have had our hearts all along, indestructable, untorn, intact, perfect. Perhaps we *think* this story affects our hearts, when in reality, it's all we ever have, and all that keeps us alive. Beating. Constant. Unbreakable. Change. Constant.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
"You'll be Damned if you do, and Damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Lying in bed exhausted, not ready to go to sleep. The full moon is upon us, and I just got home 2 hours ago from my clay class (although it feels more like 1 hour), in which I spent making something to eat, updating my profile info on Facebook, and dedicating my life to tv watching a very low-budget show on obvious looking large fake snakes attacking humans on the earth. I guess I have been feeling sensitive lately, and perhaps it is because it is a full-moon, and because the moon is in my sign (Aquarius) and because I was born on a full-moon, and having my moon in Aquarius in my birthchart may have a contributing factor to why I am feeling this way. I try not to analyze it too much. But being sensitive during these cycles is not a bad thing. I am learning to embrace my sensitivity and use it in a creative way instead of a reacting way. One of the Angel cards in my deck from Doreen Virtue explains how sensitivity and the full-moon can be to your advantage (for someone like me who feels things easily) to start new things.
So, here I am writing this out. And it gives me a chance to express myself as I feel I cannot do that at work very much. You'd think working at an arts centre I can have that opportunity, but not sitting at the front desk all day, waiting for something to happen. There are times I am completely "energetically frozen" and long for something to do; to move, to think, to create. I cannot just sit there, and we as human beings are not called on this earth to sit there and do nothing. So, when I have those days, I like to use my time when I am not at work, creatively. I mean, after work I had the opportunity to be creative with clay, in which I made some awesome tiles I was enjoying very much. But I feel I also need that alone time to collect my thoughts and ideas throughout the day. I could write in a diary, but I am much faster at typing, and my mind tends to go on overdrive with these thoughts and ideas, so I find my fingers can keep up with my mind rather than my pen ;)
SO - What I was thinking of today was excuses. We make up lots of excuses throughout the day: It's raining, It's too cold/hot, It's too far, I'll do it tomorrow, etc. etc. Well I say, if you really wanted to do something, you wouldn't find excuses take over your desire, you would do it! Because what happens the next time it rains? You will make up excuses again and again and then months, years go by, and you will think "Why haven't I done this yet?" All because you thought something was standing in the way. Well the only thing standing in your way is you, and most often, we are standing in our way because of fear! It is really not because it is raining. It is really not because it is too cold/hot outside, just dress appropriately. If you really wanted something, you would let no outside circumstance stand in the way of your inner desire. Those outside circumstances just happen to be there to test you, and you notice them, and your mind quickly makes up that reason of why you can't do it. I say: "If you want something, you will let NOTHING get in your way!"
And I say this because I have had to do something in which I felt I had nothing. For example, I do not have a car, so I have to walk everywhere. Does that stop me from walking in -2 for 45 minutes to get groceries? No. I have no choice, and I have to eat. And I like the fresh air! ;) See I can see not having a car as most people see it as an inconvenience. My mind thinks it is, but on the other hand, I do like the outdoors, and I like the exercise.
Also, when I was moving out of my previous place I was renting, I had to clean it (as we all do when we move out of places) and the only time I could do that was after work. Well, the buses stop running at 6:30 pm. So one day, the big oven and shower scrubbing day, I took the bus after I got off work at 5 pm to my old place to clean. I brought my laundry to work in the morning because I was planning on doing laundry at my old place because my new place doesn't have laundry. After cleaning for 3 hours, I walked home at 8:30 pm, tired and hungry, carrying my big bag of laundry against the wind in -6 weather for 45 mins. I felt like a real trooper, and was proud of myself. I could be a whiner and say it was difficult. It was, but it is these experiences that make us stronger. I wanted to do these things. One reason was that I wanted my damage deposit back, and I respect other people's property. I also wanted to do my laundry, so I brought it with me and knew I was to carry it back. This is a minor example of going after what you want, but say if you wanted to travel China or find a girlfriend, you would research ways in how to do that. Then you would make a plan, and work on it, step by step.
For instance: I moved to the Okanagan because I wanted change. My main intention was change. Change in scenery, people, experience, perspective, and even change in myself. I have to be careful in what I wish for, because I just might get it! I set out that intention, made the plan, followed through (it is at the same time, exciting and scary, when you follow through with your actions, because you are excited to experience something new and think the best, but scary at the same time, because you don't know what to expect, and are scared to leave behind the familiar. But this is when growth takes place), and here I am, definitely finding myself in challenging situations, but liberating experiences. In the last 4 months, I have had 2 jobs, lost 1 job, got into a loving relationship that ended unexpectedly, and moved twice. I'm also finding it challenging (I keep erasing the word "hard") without a car in the winter. I am so accustomed to be and think independently growing up in the city, where buses are abundant. Here, not so much. I cannot go out after 6:30 pm unless I walk or ask someone for a ride. And I'm not much one to ask people for rides. Yesterday I asked my friend for a ride because I finished my volunteer orientation at the Performing Arts Centre, and she picked me up, and it seemed so much easier than an hour walk home (and was not too much of a bother on her!) So I have to get it out of my mind that I have to do everything on my own. I mean thinking that does tend to push myself harder when I'm not relying on people. But at the same time, it doesn't have to be hard, and I don't have to be hard on myself! ;)
I also had my first volunteer orientation yesterday at the Performing Arts Centre in which I applied for in October! I am so excited to start volunteering and gaining experience within the industry. Film and theatre have always been my thing, and it's the environment I feel most comfortable in. So getting that opportunity has put me in a positive mood since yesterday, as things are definitely worth waiting for, and my time here has definitely taught me a lesson in patience, which is ongoing. If it is in your heart, you will listen to that and go after it to keep your integrity.
Well, it is 11:45 pm and I have "outletted" myself just as much as I needed to. I will wake up at 6:30 am and do it all over again. Leave by 7:30 and get to work 45 mins early as the buses only run here every hour in my neck of the "woods." Even though I am tired when I awake, I know what has made me tired was how I used my time for my own satisfaction and joy. In the morning I get to look at the quiet mountain side and relax and gain some inspiration before I start to do my grind. I find it helps me settle into my truth.
I will leave you with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt I came across today, as very fitting of my thoughts today of "Going after what you want."
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Goodnight :)
So, here I am writing this out. And it gives me a chance to express myself as I feel I cannot do that at work very much. You'd think working at an arts centre I can have that opportunity, but not sitting at the front desk all day, waiting for something to happen. There are times I am completely "energetically frozen" and long for something to do; to move, to think, to create. I cannot just sit there, and we as human beings are not called on this earth to sit there and do nothing. So, when I have those days, I like to use my time when I am not at work, creatively. I mean, after work I had the opportunity to be creative with clay, in which I made some awesome tiles I was enjoying very much. But I feel I also need that alone time to collect my thoughts and ideas throughout the day. I could write in a diary, but I am much faster at typing, and my mind tends to go on overdrive with these thoughts and ideas, so I find my fingers can keep up with my mind rather than my pen ;)
SO - What I was thinking of today was excuses. We make up lots of excuses throughout the day: It's raining, It's too cold/hot, It's too far, I'll do it tomorrow, etc. etc. Well I say, if you really wanted to do something, you wouldn't find excuses take over your desire, you would do it! Because what happens the next time it rains? You will make up excuses again and again and then months, years go by, and you will think "Why haven't I done this yet?" All because you thought something was standing in the way. Well the only thing standing in your way is you, and most often, we are standing in our way because of fear! It is really not because it is raining. It is really not because it is too cold/hot outside, just dress appropriately. If you really wanted something, you would let no outside circumstance stand in the way of your inner desire. Those outside circumstances just happen to be there to test you, and you notice them, and your mind quickly makes up that reason of why you can't do it. I say: "If you want something, you will let NOTHING get in your way!"
And I say this because I have had to do something in which I felt I had nothing. For example, I do not have a car, so I have to walk everywhere. Does that stop me from walking in -2 for 45 minutes to get groceries? No. I have no choice, and I have to eat. And I like the fresh air! ;) See I can see not having a car as most people see it as an inconvenience. My mind thinks it is, but on the other hand, I do like the outdoors, and I like the exercise.
Also, when I was moving out of my previous place I was renting, I had to clean it (as we all do when we move out of places) and the only time I could do that was after work. Well, the buses stop running at 6:30 pm. So one day, the big oven and shower scrubbing day, I took the bus after I got off work at 5 pm to my old place to clean. I brought my laundry to work in the morning because I was planning on doing laundry at my old place because my new place doesn't have laundry. After cleaning for 3 hours, I walked home at 8:30 pm, tired and hungry, carrying my big bag of laundry against the wind in -6 weather for 45 mins. I felt like a real trooper, and was proud of myself. I could be a whiner and say it was difficult. It was, but it is these experiences that make us stronger. I wanted to do these things. One reason was that I wanted my damage deposit back, and I respect other people's property. I also wanted to do my laundry, so I brought it with me and knew I was to carry it back. This is a minor example of going after what you want, but say if you wanted to travel China or find a girlfriend, you would research ways in how to do that. Then you would make a plan, and work on it, step by step.
For instance: I moved to the Okanagan because I wanted change. My main intention was change. Change in scenery, people, experience, perspective, and even change in myself. I have to be careful in what I wish for, because I just might get it! I set out that intention, made the plan, followed through (it is at the same time, exciting and scary, when you follow through with your actions, because you are excited to experience something new and think the best, but scary at the same time, because you don't know what to expect, and are scared to leave behind the familiar. But this is when growth takes place), and here I am, definitely finding myself in challenging situations, but liberating experiences. In the last 4 months, I have had 2 jobs, lost 1 job, got into a loving relationship that ended unexpectedly, and moved twice. I'm also finding it challenging (I keep erasing the word "hard") without a car in the winter. I am so accustomed to be and think independently growing up in the city, where buses are abundant. Here, not so much. I cannot go out after 6:30 pm unless I walk or ask someone for a ride. And I'm not much one to ask people for rides. Yesterday I asked my friend for a ride because I finished my volunteer orientation at the Performing Arts Centre, and she picked me up, and it seemed so much easier than an hour walk home (and was not too much of a bother on her!) So I have to get it out of my mind that I have to do everything on my own. I mean thinking that does tend to push myself harder when I'm not relying on people. But at the same time, it doesn't have to be hard, and I don't have to be hard on myself! ;)
I also had my first volunteer orientation yesterday at the Performing Arts Centre in which I applied for in October! I am so excited to start volunteering and gaining experience within the industry. Film and theatre have always been my thing, and it's the environment I feel most comfortable in. So getting that opportunity has put me in a positive mood since yesterday, as things are definitely worth waiting for, and my time here has definitely taught me a lesson in patience, which is ongoing. If it is in your heart, you will listen to that and go after it to keep your integrity.
Well, it is 11:45 pm and I have "outletted" myself just as much as I needed to. I will wake up at 6:30 am and do it all over again. Leave by 7:30 and get to work 45 mins early as the buses only run here every hour in my neck of the "woods." Even though I am tired when I awake, I know what has made me tired was how I used my time for my own satisfaction and joy. In the morning I get to look at the quiet mountain side and relax and gain some inspiration before I start to do my grind. I find it helps me settle into my truth.
I will leave you with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt I came across today, as very fitting of my thoughts today of "Going after what you want."
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Goodnight :)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Transitioning into 2012..... and beyond.......
I've been reading/hearing that 2012 is quite the transitional year. A year of self reflection, breaking old patterns, and a LOT of coming more into our hearts rather our heads, as well as coming together to unite as a team effort to better humanity. Kindness will spread in the world, and we will seek prosperous relationships, a win-win joint effort, as well as care and compassion for one another. It will be our hunger, our strive. There will be a lot of oppositions with the government and law, but our souls will know the difference. We will feel more. We will engage more. We will seek personal goals. In this mind opening expansion, love may conquer all, in a matter of time, and money will take a back seat to make the world go round. Various activities to support human consciousness, brotherhood, and kindness will spread and get recognized in a matter of time. This is just the beginning. This is the turning point. The world will not end. It is just beginning.
Wow, that was an enlightenment.
My last year's resolution was to write everyday. I made the promise to write everyday, even if it was uninspiring such as "I don't know what to say." That lasted about a week. For the month of January, I slipped and tried to get back on my everyday routine, and then I slipped allllll year.... I wanted to make a book and call it "A Year in the Life of Karla" and look back at what I accomplished, fell back on, and grew from. But I guess I wasn't feeling it. I made a commitment that felt pressured. Writing only comes from inspiration, or an idea that flows. I just didn't have that everyday, and making myself write was something I didn't want to do, unless I felt it.
Like now.
I guess this year's resolution is to become more into myself and away from myself. I mean to become more into my authentic self, and less into my mind. To get away from all the little details and into the bigger picture. To concentrate on something bigger than myself. To stop thinking about what is happening TO me, and focus on what I CAN do. To flow with life, to be the master creator, and to know that I can make a difference in this world, and to get rid of my fears and out of my head concerning details. Think about what I want in life, and go for it, instead of how it's going to happening. All we have, individually, is knowledge. Knowledge we hear or read everywhere we go. It's not about how to use the knowledge, it's about trusting it, and letting it go. For example, you may think little of the universe and have little faith in things working out for you. It doesn't matter if you don't. It's trusting your inner knowledge and listening to that intuition inside of you that tells you what to believe. You know what's right for you. If you just listen. And believe it. Then, do it!
I hope all of you have a Happy, Joyous, Fulfilling 2012 and may you follow your dreams and your hearts.
Much Love,
Karla
Wow, that was an enlightenment.
My last year's resolution was to write everyday. I made the promise to write everyday, even if it was uninspiring such as "I don't know what to say." That lasted about a week. For the month of January, I slipped and tried to get back on my everyday routine, and then I slipped allllll year.... I wanted to make a book and call it "A Year in the Life of Karla" and look back at what I accomplished, fell back on, and grew from. But I guess I wasn't feeling it. I made a commitment that felt pressured. Writing only comes from inspiration, or an idea that flows. I just didn't have that everyday, and making myself write was something I didn't want to do, unless I felt it.
Like now.
I guess this year's resolution is to become more into myself and away from myself. I mean to become more into my authentic self, and less into my mind. To get away from all the little details and into the bigger picture. To concentrate on something bigger than myself. To stop thinking about what is happening TO me, and focus on what I CAN do. To flow with life, to be the master creator, and to know that I can make a difference in this world, and to get rid of my fears and out of my head concerning details. Think about what I want in life, and go for it, instead of how it's going to happening. All we have, individually, is knowledge. Knowledge we hear or read everywhere we go. It's not about how to use the knowledge, it's about trusting it, and letting it go. For example, you may think little of the universe and have little faith in things working out for you. It doesn't matter if you don't. It's trusting your inner knowledge and listening to that intuition inside of you that tells you what to believe. You know what's right for you. If you just listen. And believe it. Then, do it!
I hope all of you have a Happy, Joyous, Fulfilling 2012 and may you follow your dreams and your hearts.
Much Love,
Karla
Year in a Nutshell
I thought I would lay it flat on the table with no inhibitions and talk about the year I had.
As you may know, I am now living in Vernon as of October 2011. After having lived in Vancouver my whole life, I decided to get out of the big city and move to the Okanagan. Why Vernon? A lot of people ask. Honestly, I don't know. It was just something I picked. Partly to do with the fact that I didn't know anyone here, except for an old high school friend, that I just got back in touch with. So, that's my reason. I basically picked this as a safety net. I have to say, she has been a real help for me with giving me a place to stay while I was looking for my own place. That's me, seeking adventure. With routine and monotony I get pretty bored easily. So, that's another reason I moved from Vancouver after 31 years. It is a very beautiful city, and everyone agrees. But I felt this is just something my gut was telling me to do and so without fear or hesitation, I went for it (well, with some fear and hesitation, I did have, I went for it anyway. Just like that book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" ;)
I am glad I did. Even though my life in Vancouver was filled with very genuine friendships and a very good (but unsteady) job the last couple years. I felt like I fit in somewhere in life, the first time in a very long time.
Also, partly because of an on-again/off-again relationship making me feel the need to escape everything familiar and get a fresh start, new inspiration. I had a vision I would go rock hounding throughout the interior driving down the lake hugging highway and stopping at various places, as I have been collecting crystals and stones the last couple years. That will come in the New Year. I know I have had a few challenges, but also a few miracles, during my time here in the last 3 months.
*breathe* Where to start.
I moved here feeling elated, brand new, and excited. Out of the blue, a man re-entered my life whom I have known since an infant. Our families were very close. Our mothers were best friends. We went camping as kids and my family lived with his family for a couple months when my mom divorced my dad in 1989. He invited me to his aunt's house for thanksgiving, and, after not having seen him for 17 years, I gladly accepted.
Things hit off right away, and he pursued me and wanted a relationship. I was hesitant going into one, but my heart wasn't. I felt so comfortable around him, and he made me laugh until I couldn't catch my breath and my eyes cried. We built memories and future visions together for those 2 months. Then, all of a sudden, he became distant and eventually, ended the relationship with me. This is where I'm at right now. He still wants to be friends, but I want to be more. I recently went to his brother's wedding and had a great time with his family laughing and having a jolly time. They like me, and I like them. More so, I love and respect him. He is such a great guy, with so many good attributes, integrity, and goals. He will become successful at whatever he chooses to do. That's why, they say, if you love someone, let them go. As much as I love him and want to be with him, I do love him enough to let him carry on his own life and do what he needs to do. If I thought otherwise, that would be jealousy and greed.
Maybe this opportunity is teaching me to love, in ways that I haven't experienced before. I remember in past relationships I would have these set rules that I would make up for myself for a man to do. But that is not love, love has no restrictions. You should not expect anything from love. Thinking that way just set myself up for disappointment.
I am not going to be one of those girls who is walking on tightropes to express myself. There are people who give advice on what to do, how to act, what to say, eg. Wait an hour (hypothetically speaking) before returning his texts.... Playing hard to get..... Don't call him until he calls you.... I am sick of playing that bullshit game. If I want to talk to someone, if I want to hug them, if I want to express how I feel, I do it. It is not needy or any other type of label. I can love someone and be happy on my own at the same time. I am myself. I follow my own heart, because if I didn't, my mind would go crazy, thinking things in a never ending cycle, and I wouldn't be growing. I am moving away from the game mentality, and just going by what my heart truly desires. Why would I be someone else otherwise? What good is it to be someone else other than yourself? You just end up hurting yourself.
I've been reading/hearing that 2012 is quite the transitional year. A year of self reflection, breaking old patterns, and a LOT of coming more into our hearts rather our heads, as well as coming together to unite as a team effort to better humanity. Kindness will spread in the world, and we will seek prosperous relationships, a win-win joint effort, as well as care and compassion for one another. It will be our hunger, our strive. There will be a lot of oppositions with the government and law, but our souls will know the difference. We will feel more. We will engage more. We will seek personal goals. In this mind opening expansion, love may conquer all, in a matter of time, and money will take a back seat to make the world go round. Various activities to support human consciousness, brotherhood, and kindness will spread and get recognized in a matter of time. This is just the beginning. This is the turning point. The world will not end. It is just beginning.
Wow, that was an enlightenment.
My last year's resolution was to write everyday. I made the promise to write everyday, even if it was uninspiring such as "I don't know what to say." That lasted about a week. For the month of January, I slipped and tried to get back on my everyday routine, and then I slipped allllll year.... I wanted to make a book and call it "A Year in the Life of Karla" and look back at what I accomplished, fell back on, and grew from. But I guess I wasn't feeling it. I made a commitment that felt pressured. Writing only comes from inspiration, or an idea that flows. I just didn't have that everyday, and making myself write was something I didn't want to do, unless I felt it.
Like now.
I guess this year's resolution is to become more into myself and away from myself. I mean to become more into my authentic self, and less into my mind. To get away from all the little details and into the bigger picture. To concentrate on something bigger than myself. To stop thinking about what is happening TO me, and focus on what I CAN do. To flow with life, to be the master creator, and to know that I can make a difference in this world, and to get rid of my fears and out of my head concerning details. Think about what I want in life, and go for it, instead of how it's going to happening. All we have, individually, is knowledge. Knowledge we hear or read everywhere we go. It's not about how to use the knowledge, it's about trusting it, and letting it go. For example, you may think little of the universe and have little faith in things working out for you. It doesn't matter if you don't. It's trusting your inner knowledge and listening to that intuition inside of you that tells you what to believe. You know what's right for you. If you just listen. And believe it. Then, do it!
I hope all of you have a Happy, Joyous, Fulfilling 2012 and may you follow your dreams and your hearts.
Much Love,
Karla
As you may know, I am now living in Vernon as of October 2011. After having lived in Vancouver my whole life, I decided to get out of the big city and move to the Okanagan. Why Vernon? A lot of people ask. Honestly, I don't know. It was just something I picked. Partly to do with the fact that I didn't know anyone here, except for an old high school friend, that I just got back in touch with. So, that's my reason. I basically picked this as a safety net. I have to say, she has been a real help for me with giving me a place to stay while I was looking for my own place. That's me, seeking adventure. With routine and monotony I get pretty bored easily. So, that's another reason I moved from Vancouver after 31 years. It is a very beautiful city, and everyone agrees. But I felt this is just something my gut was telling me to do and so without fear or hesitation, I went for it (well, with some fear and hesitation, I did have, I went for it anyway. Just like that book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" ;)
I am glad I did. Even though my life in Vancouver was filled with very genuine friendships and a very good (but unsteady) job the last couple years. I felt like I fit in somewhere in life, the first time in a very long time.
Also, partly because of an on-again/off-again relationship making me feel the need to escape everything familiar and get a fresh start, new inspiration. I had a vision I would go rock hounding throughout the interior driving down the lake hugging highway and stopping at various places, as I have been collecting crystals and stones the last couple years. That will come in the New Year. I know I have had a few challenges, but also a few miracles, during my time here in the last 3 months.
*breathe* Where to start.
I moved here feeling elated, brand new, and excited. Out of the blue, a man re-entered my life whom I have known since an infant. Our families were very close. Our mothers were best friends. We went camping as kids and my family lived with his family for a couple months when my mom divorced my dad in 1989. He invited me to his aunt's house for thanksgiving, and, after not having seen him for 17 years, I gladly accepted.
Things hit off right away, and he pursued me and wanted a relationship. I was hesitant going into one, but my heart wasn't. I felt so comfortable around him, and he made me laugh until I couldn't catch my breath and my eyes cried. We built memories and future visions together for those 2 months. Then, all of a sudden, he became distant and eventually, ended the relationship with me. This is where I'm at right now. He still wants to be friends, but I want to be more. I recently went to his brother's wedding and had a great time with his family laughing and having a jolly time. They like me, and I like them. More so, I love and respect him. He is such a great guy, with so many good attributes, integrity, and goals. He will become successful at whatever he chooses to do. That's why, they say, if you love someone, let them go. As much as I love him and want to be with him, I do love him enough to let him carry on his own life and do what he needs to do. If I thought otherwise, that would be jealousy and greed.
Maybe this opportunity is teaching me to love, in ways that I haven't experienced before. I remember in past relationships I would have these set rules that I would make up for myself for a man to do. But that is not love, love has no restrictions. You should not expect anything from love. Thinking that way just set myself up for disappointment.
I am not going to be one of those girls who is walking on tightropes to express myself. There are people who give advice on what to do, how to act, what to say, eg. Wait an hour (hypothetically speaking) before returning his texts.... Playing hard to get..... Don't call him until he calls you.... I am sick of playing that bullshit game. If I want to talk to someone, if I want to hug them, if I want to express how I feel, I do it. It is not needy or any other type of label. I can love someone and be happy on my own at the same time. I am myself. I follow my own heart, because if I didn't, my mind would go crazy, thinking things in a never ending cycle, and I wouldn't be growing. I am moving away from the game mentality, and just going by what my heart truly desires. Why would I be someone else otherwise? What good is it to be someone else other than yourself? You just end up hurting yourself.
I've been reading/hearing that 2012 is quite the transitional year. A year of self reflection, breaking old patterns, and a LOT of coming more into our hearts rather our heads, as well as coming together to unite as a team effort to better humanity. Kindness will spread in the world, and we will seek prosperous relationships, a win-win joint effort, as well as care and compassion for one another. It will be our hunger, our strive. There will be a lot of oppositions with the government and law, but our souls will know the difference. We will feel more. We will engage more. We will seek personal goals. In this mind opening expansion, love may conquer all, in a matter of time, and money will take a back seat to make the world go round. Various activities to support human consciousness, brotherhood, and kindness will spread and get recognized in a matter of time. This is just the beginning. This is the turning point. The world will not end. It is just beginning.
Wow, that was an enlightenment.
My last year's resolution was to write everyday. I made the promise to write everyday, even if it was uninspiring such as "I don't know what to say." That lasted about a week. For the month of January, I slipped and tried to get back on my everyday routine, and then I slipped allllll year.... I wanted to make a book and call it "A Year in the Life of Karla" and look back at what I accomplished, fell back on, and grew from. But I guess I wasn't feeling it. I made a commitment that felt pressured. Writing only comes from inspiration, or an idea that flows. I just didn't have that everyday, and making myself write was something I didn't want to do, unless I felt it.
Like now.
I guess this year's resolution is to become more into myself and away from myself. I mean to become more into my authentic self, and less into my mind. To get away from all the little details and into the bigger picture. To concentrate on something bigger than myself. To stop thinking about what is happening TO me, and focus on what I CAN do. To flow with life, to be the master creator, and to know that I can make a difference in this world, and to get rid of my fears and out of my head concerning details. Think about what I want in life, and go for it, instead of how it's going to happening. All we have, individually, is knowledge. Knowledge we hear or read everywhere we go. It's not about how to use the knowledge, it's about trusting it, and letting it go. For example, you may think little of the universe and have little faith in things working out for you. It doesn't matter if you don't. It's trusting your inner knowledge and listening to that intuition inside of you that tells you what to believe. You know what's right for you. If you just listen. And believe it. Then, do it!
I hope all of you have a Happy, Joyous, Fulfilling 2012 and may you follow your dreams and your hearts.
Much Love,
Karla
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